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I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.