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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
FYI: You have to stop Facebook posting to have an alibi for ignoring texts.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?