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3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?