Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."