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Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?