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Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......