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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.