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Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.