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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what Iām doing.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.