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Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
The worst part of being an insomniac is having to eat spiders while I’m awake to maintain my yearly average.
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.