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It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.