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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
5 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar