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Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.