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My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.