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I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.