Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
When in doubt, take a nap.
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store