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If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
Sö î hèãrd ÿôu lìkê gùÿš with ácçeñts?
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out