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The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.