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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.