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Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.