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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you. I promise.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.