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Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
SOCIAL WORKER: cop without a gun, judge without a gavel.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.