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Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
pudding... thats always a funny word
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?