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Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......