Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them.
If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
When I order pizza online and there’s a “Notes” box I put “Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON”
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.