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How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.