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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?