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All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
I am used but in good condition.
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"