Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
I won the Twister contest hands-down.
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…