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I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."