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You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis