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Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.