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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........