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I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
I grew up for this?
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.