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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
“You look tired” is just a polite way to tell someone they look like sh*t.
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet