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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
I need a new bad decision.
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..