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I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.