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Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
Never compliment a lady on her mustache no matter how magnificent it is
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.