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Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
And then her mood ring just...exploded
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.