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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
Lust is not real love and Tombstone is not real pizza, but both are fine when you`re drunk.
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong