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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
I wish common sense was more common.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?