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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Wine: How classy people get trashed.
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you