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I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.