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I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.