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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
Sorry I said "Better you than me" when you showed me your baby.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.