Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
Iām going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people Iām going to haunt grows everyday.
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-