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That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, Iām going back to bed.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
Siblings ā the only people who will pick on you and then kick the a$$es of anyone else who does it.
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that