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When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!