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Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?