Daily Silly Status

Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol

I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.

I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode

[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.

So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.

I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.

I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?

My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.

Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?

When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.

Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon

Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.

I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"

My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!

I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.