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I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.