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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
This patience thing takes forever.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.