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I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.
"Oh my god, you`ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mom
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"