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Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.