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Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...