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If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.