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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
Maybe there`s no such thing as automatic doors, just gentlemen ninjas.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.