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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!