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I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone