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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.