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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.