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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
*Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
i am not so think, as you drunk i am
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
Buying your wife a gun is like saying. "You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise."