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Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
Haters gonna hate, your honor
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.