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One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.