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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.