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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
Iām beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.