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What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.