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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!