Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
It may look like Iām in deep thought, but 99% of the time Iām just thinking about what food Iām going to eat later.
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
Honk if you are reading this.
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
Iām late for a disappointment.
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.