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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
How does one get a nice body without moving?
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel. The police call it “Indecent Exposure” but whatever.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don`t serve breakfast?
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.