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"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I’m not falling for that.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"