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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.