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Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.