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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
I’m sad when my food is over.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it