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I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.